We to Me Series #2: Not Exactly Living the Dream


The dapper gentleman’s name was Rez, and I found out that he lived about two hours away. He was in town because he was donating blood for his mother who was undergoing cancer treatment as he was a match. He was good like that. He was also taking care of some things around their family horse farm and figured why not make a few bucks and pick up some consulting work while in town. Smart guy.

Obviously, he ended up asking me out.

We began spending more time together when he was in town and I would take the train the two hours north to spend weekends with him. He was thirteen years older than me so it was not the typical college dating experience. Rez had quite a bit more life experience than me and there were some challenges, but there were gifts, too. We had fun together and he introduced me to things that ended up becoming a part of who I am today...like a love for red wine for example. :)

I’ll never forget the evening he came to the house where I lived with my lifelong best friend, Lynn and two other roommates. My roommates and I cooked dinner and he brought over a bottle of red wine. Bear in mind, we were broke and clearly uncultured college students. We drank pink wine from a box before it was cool to drink rose’ or boxed wine for that matter.

We went to put the wine in the fridge which if you know anything about red wine is not what you are supposed to do. It’s best served slightly above room temperature. We were skeptical and not exactly totally open minded but were willing to give it a shot.

I’m embarrassed to admit that we were not impressed. It was a really nice, rather expensive bottle of wine that was completely wasted on our pink wine palates.

Not too long after our red wine introduction and just a couple months after we started dating, I was feeling very much under the weather. I assumed it was just the residual effects of a kidney infection that I’d been recovering from a few weeks prior.

I was so very wrong.

Rez and I were on our way to have dinner with his best friend, Alan, his wife and their toddler son. On the way we stopped at an urgent care type medical facility where I was told that the issues I was having had nothing to do with my previous kidney infection.

I was pregnant.

That, my friend, is absolutely NOT what you want to hear when you are in college, dating someone for a very short time AND on the way to visit a family with a child in a baby walker!

To say it was a difficult dinner would be an understatement. To say the following weeks, even months, were tough doesn’t even begin to do it justice. It was one of the hardest times of my life.

I felt lost, alone and totally unsure of how this was all going to play out. I was a college student with some big plans and dreams for my future that didn’t include being a mom at twenty.

Lynn and I had plans to move to Atlanta. (Still to this day, we aren’t sure why we chose Atlanta.) We both wanted to travel and I had every intention of being a band promoter.

In the days before the internet, if you wanted to find out what band was playing at a certain venue, you had to do the unheard of.

You had to call them.

And if there was more than one venue that you wanted to know about, guess what? You’re calling them, too…or you’re calling me.

I was the go-to music girl because I knew who was playing where and which one was the best to check out. No need to call all over town!

I attended as many concerts as I could. Probably more than I should have while working and going to college. My big dreams included being the reason my brother’s band made it big. I was going to facilitate his first big break!

In my opinion, this stage of life is all about being selfish and figuring out who the hell you are. It’s most definitely not the time to jump from party girl to mom in one fell swoop.

To be honest, I wasn’t sure I even wanted kids. I didn’t envision myself married until I was in my 30’s and late thirties at that. But here I was twenty, pregnant, still in college and in a relationship with a man I barely knew embarking on the absolutely terrifying unknown.

Not exactly living the dream I had envisioned for myself.

Have there been times in your life where you thought you were heading down one path just to be blindsided and taken down another that you had no idea was even an option? Please share your experience in the comments below because we learn from one another.

1 comment


Interesting read. Looks like you figured it out! Everything happens for the best.

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