We to Me Series #3: Decision Time


Summer break was just about to begin and I’d already planned to go home for the next couple months. I took that time to process the news and figure out what the hell I was going to do.

I didn’t want to be a mom at twenty. I had no desire to get married at this point either.

Rez was very supportive and I appreciated that. He was open to whatever I decided and willing to step up in any way he could. His words and actions made me feel like I would be taken care of and I could tell from our conversations that he would be a loving, engaged dad. But this was a very new relationship and a HUGE commitment.

After the gut wrenching task of telling my parents, countless hours thinking about what my life looked like now and in the future, and numerous emotional conversations with Rez, it was now time to make one of the biggest decisions of my life.

For some there would be no decision. For some an abortion would be the only option and for others the thought of doing anything other than becoming a mom would be unthinkable.

My parents offered to raise the baby if it felt like too much for me so that I could continue with school. I knew in my heart that if I was going to have this baby, I would raise him/her along with Rez if he was still willing.

I ultimately decided to keep the baby and move in with Rez. We were going to do this start-a-family gig together.

We also told Rez’s parents. That was another difficult thing to do as I am sure they were concerned being that I was a child myself having a child. But they could not have been any more gracious and supportive. I was incredibly grateful and relieved for their kindness.

His sisters’, too, were likely quite shocked but they were also very loving and kind offering to help in any way they could.

I was now two hours away from friends and four hours away from family. I’d already told my parents but needed to tell my siblings and my grandparents who I was very close to. My family was obviously surprised but supportive. My friends were totally dumbfounded and sad that this was happening in my life. I am certain they were playing out the same scenario in their heads should this happen to them and I guarantee you the majority of them would not have chosen the path I did.

I lost a few friends in the process but the ones that remained were steadfast and strong for the most part. It was a difficult time for me but it was also hard for them. One minute I am there partying and going to concerts every night and the next I am living in another town with a guy I’ve only dated for a few months and having a baby!

It was all a bit of a mind fuck.

It was particularly hard on Lynn. She was skeptical of this man that showed up on our doorstep and was so upset that my life had taken this turn. We had plans that were now out the window and she was worried about my future.

Lynn and I became best friends pretty much from the moment we met in first grade. She the tall, gangly red head with freckles. Me the short, shy half Filipino girl. We were quite the duo! It was an unusual friendship should you look at us but even our first grade teacher knew there was something special about our connection.

But this was going to be a test of our endurance as friends.


Have you been put in a position in your life where you had to literally make a life or death decision?Has there been a time in your life when your closest friendships were put to the test? I'd love to hear your story of resilience. We learn from one another.

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